10 things every man must own?

Combine one part busy and three parts forgetful and what do you get, no entries for a week!

10 Things every man must own?

I ran across this article on the msn.com home page. Supposedly, it's 10 must own items for bachelors. So here we go on what I think of this list:

1. A top notch coffee/espresso maker (he suggests a designer one at $230): Um, I friggin' hate coffee, it's disgusting dirt that's urinated into my hot water. It smells bad and tastes worse! So why the hell should I spend even the cost of Safeway generic instant coffee. To make for her when she wakes up? A) That'd be a miracle if it ever happened to me. b) I wouldn't want to kiss her with that godawful coffee breath mixed with morning breath. Blecchhhh.

2. A lamp in the bedroom: Maybe it's just common sense, but who the hell doesn't have any form of light in the bedroom, or any room for that matter. (I'm sure some women would say that men have no lights in the closets)

3. Swiffer Sweeper: I agree with Metrosexual Matt on this one, Swiffer rocks.

4. A comfortable couch: Yet another duh!!! But he goes on to suggest something in the $1000 range. The only things I buy for over $1000 have six strings, four wheels, or run at 2.4 GHZ.

5. Nice Underwear: Sure, but does it have to be designer? Kind of says something about you that you may not want if women is what you're going after, if you know what I mean.

6. A key ring that can fix anything: In the sense of having tools, yes, cool, but he says to use it to impress her and make yourself indispensible.

7. $150 Jean: Well why don't you come over and kick my dog too! $150 jeans, I had no idea that there was such a thing. They're denim, which is cotton, usually blue. How can that be $150? I guess it's just proof that stupid people will buy anything if you convince them they need it.

8. $200 dress shoes: Excuse me while I attempt to cleanse my mouth of the bile that's formed from hurling. I can understand going out and having nice shoes, but $200? I have a nice pair of Skechers I got for $30. They're black, they have laces. Good enough.

9. 300 Thread count sheets: I don't understand what this means, you can make sheets out of 300 threads? How long are they? The last set of sheets I bought were black. That's what I wanted.

10. The Joy of Cooking: Any guy who can't cook just doesn't pay attention. There was usually someone in the house that cooked at least once when they were a kid. You could learn something by paying attention. If not them, then oh, I don't know, the FUCKING FOOD NETWORK. I don't know what's in this book, I don't care, but this jerk off suggested it, so it must suck.

So there you have it, according to "Metrosexual" Matt Scheiderman, 10 things every single guy must own. Yeah, whatever. Sounds to me he's schlepping for online stores, or just trying keep up the notion that only the stylish guys are really worth anything to women. Sure I'd guess that if a lot of guys followed tips like this, and a lot of the ones in Maxim that they'd have a really easy time getting women. You know what I've found, they're assholes. Didn't the mothers of these girls tell them not to date someone prettier than them, he'll spend more time in the bathroom than her. Second, I think the definition of metrosexual is "gay, but they don't know it yet."(not that there's anything wrong with that!) They date a lot until around 30, get married by 35, then divorced because they realize they're true self.

My second point is I don't have to worry about any of this crap because I'm undateable. I'll explain that some other time. It's very liberating. I've watched some of my friends totally contradict themselves, spew BS all in the name of impressing women. Me, I don't care. It doesn't matter whether I hold back or not, so screw it, I won't, hence what you see above.

Oh, I have something that should be on this list. How about an actual interesting personality. And some common sense. And a little compassion, instead of being a stupid arrogant dick?